The question why is age-old and very useful in many circumstances. That inquiry has led to the great developments in man’s history. In math, physics, engineering and all the sciences that is the starting point for most improvement and advances. The relationship between objects, things and forces of nature all are subject to that inquiry. The why is important. That is how we got atomic energy and even learned to make a fire. If we can figure out the why to something we can build it, improve it, or even invent it. It is the fundamental starting point for man and the world he lives in and the world out to the fringes of the universe (assuming it has fringes).
Alas, that question and pursuit of learning about things is of no use when it comes to the relationships between men and women. At the personal and emotional level women are very concerned about the why; they want to know the motivation behind the actions of their lovers, husbands, friends and acquaintances. Those motivations, the why someone acts the way they do is very important to them. They take that data about “why” and turn it over, examine it from every angle and ponder on it and it gives them pleasure, pain or some other emotional reaction in between. They thrive on those emotional reactions. They don’t just cry they enjoy crying and often believe it is good for them.
Men are indeed from Mars and the gals are Venusians. We may share a common tongue but the emotional connection from actions and inactions is often confused and blurry at best. We don’t get it. No doubt there is a chorus of feminine voices out there singing hallelujah to that notion. Men mostly aren’t interested in the “why” when it comes to personal relationships. Guys are much more focused on actions, what people do are don’t do. Motivations don’t get on the male radar screen like they do for females. Guys would twist and turn the possible motivations in a business negotiations but rarely look to those with their significant other. Men are much more into evaluating actions than they are motives. They believe actions reflect what you think or believe. The gals like to hear it.
No doubt this difference is the biggest reason are so much better at nurturing than me. They’ll listen forever. Guys lose interest about the third time they have heard the same lament. Gals will ask a new question after each version. With a guy you’ll do good to get a grunt.
So, fellows it isn’t enough to give her that little peck on the check. You need to whisper in her ear at the same time something tender and sweet. I know most guys think that the peck sends a sufficient message and is complete in itself. Trust me, it ain’t so. If you don’t believe me then guys recall those times when you did get the candy, the card and the flower and gave them to her with a brief “Here Baby” and the response was less than warm. Somehow we have to try and go beyond the actions and hit those motivations on occasion. Let her know why you gave her the gifts; you do have to explain the why. Actions speak louder than words for business partners but for the little lady in your life you are better off adding to them a bit of explanation.
There you have the abridged version, which guys always like, and you didn’t have to pay a therapist. I promise there is no down side guys and the upside might be as good as those daydreams you harbor.
“If thou dost love, pronounce it faithfully” Juliet, Act II, Scene II www.olcranky.wordpress.com